LN Parenting

by Dr. Tim Jordan

I’ve got good news and bad news for your new graduates.  First, the bad news. Most of what you’ve learned that you need to be successful in high school is worthless out in the real world.  The good news is you now have the opportunity to rediscover and redefine who you are and what your purpose is for being on this planet.

              As you know quite well by now, school is a game with the bar and the rules set by your parents and teachers.  To be successful in high school, you had to:  feign interest, be compliant and obedient, please teachers and get on their good side, be good at rote memorization and regurgitating facts and taking multiple choice tests, put forth as much effort as was necessary to meet other people’s expectations, take classed and do activities because they looked good on your transcript, compete and step on other people to get to the top, substitute artificial goals (grades, national test scores, awards, being popular) for more intrinsic goals (love of learning, do what interests you).  You studied and read primarily only what you were told to because it would be on the test.  And almost all of your output ended up in a trash can!

              Socially, what was important was being cool, popular, athletic and attractive.  How you looked, who you hung out with, your clothes, what you said, and having the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend were vitally important to your social standing.

              Teens I work with complain a lot about being stressed and drained by having to play these games for years.  Ahh, but the good news is that you are moving on to the next part of your journey, and you are now the captain of your ship!

              Here are some skills I think you will need to be successful in life:  critical thinking, problem solving, thinking outside the box, strategic planning, being self directed, self motivated and willing to take risks and make mistakes, be flexible and able to adapt to change, and know how to learn because the skills needed for future jobs are changing at a rapid rate.

              It will be important for you to be good at collaboration and working with diverse people from around the world.  You will need to be a good leader, be able to deal with feelings of inadequacy and self doubt, be resilient and able to persevere through tough times, and delay gratification for the sake of future fulfillment.

              So as you go off into the world, I encourage you to take this time in your life to decide who you are and want to become irrespective of what your parents and other adults think.  Learn to get quiet and look within for your answers.  Trust your gut and follow your heart.

              And maybe subscribe to my “Dot Theory”.  Remember when you were a kid and did those connect the numbered dot drawings?  After connecting about half the dots a picture would emerge.  The same goes for trying to figure out the “picture of your life’s work.”  You don’t have to have a clear vision of what you want to do with your life to get started.  Just start creating dots.

              Dots are any experiences you feel led to or inspired to do.  It can be a class, a job, volunteer work, reading biographies, or a new hobby.  Whenever an opportunity comes your way that seems like it would be fun and right for you at a gut level, do it!  Over time these dots will start to connect and before you know it they have led you to your life’s calling.  Do what you love; do what is fun and easy for you; do what feels right for you; do what you are passionate about.  And without ever trying, your pictures will form.

              Like the snake, it’s time to shed your high school skin because it’s no longer needed; you need new skills to be successful.  And like the caterpillar, the cocoon that has protected you for 18 years is now confining you and holding you back from becoming the butterfly you were meant to be. 

              Take charge of your life and enjoy every moment of the ride.