LN Parenting

by Dr. Tim Jordan

“A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.”  (Herb Cohen, journalist)

I love that quote, and it came to mind a few weeks ago while I was visiting my son who was working at a dude ranch in Montana.  I was watching some grade school aged kids getting ready to horseback ride.  First off, the wranglers were not allowed to let the kids help saddle the horses or put on their bridles.  One kid at a time was allowed into the corral, where the wranglers gingerly led them up some steps and then carefully helped them into their saddles.  It seemed so scripted and controlled and fearful. 

              And then I noticed that they made every child wear a protective helmet, and I almost blew a gasket.  For some reason, it put me over the edge.  A bike helmet required for riding horses up in the mountains.  Where has this world come to?!

              I see us parenting so much out of fear, and it starts in the womb.  We’ve got to know the fetus’s sex immediately because how else will we know what color to paint their room and what color clothes to buy.  Every few years a new policy comes out that tells us how to put your infant to sleep for fear of SIDS. 

              Kids hear from their toddler years on to “walk, don’t run”, “not so fast!”, “not so high!”, “be careful!”.  Five year olds practically have to sign a waiver to be able to play on the playground equipment.

              In the name of safety, our kids are not learning “street smarts”; i.e. things we took for granted like knowing how to cross a busy street, find your way in the woods, clean and gut the fish that you caught, handle a pocket knife and carve stuff, build forts and tree houses.  Ten years ago my son and his buddies built a tree fort in some woods behind our house, and the neighborhood association made them tear it down because of liability issues. 

              Whatever happened to words like adventure, invention, discovery and unsupervised play.  Kids will never learn their limits unless they are allowed to stretch and risk.  I read once that all the major inventions over the past century were created in basements and garages, not in university labs, where constraints and protocol would have stifled such creativity.

              Having said all this, of course, listen to your pediatrician’s advice about SIDS prevention, and buy bike helmets for your cyclists.  Use your common sense about real safety issues. 

              And….balance out all the fear and liability constraints with letting kids be kids.  If they ride their trikes too fast down the driveway and wipe out, they’ll learn from the bruises and scrapes.  Allow them to learn from their mistakes.  Encourage them to take risks and stretch themselves.  Honor their need for creating adventures and building things.  Teach them how to saddle their own horse while respecting their horse’s strength.  Clear the fear from you voices and tell them to have fun and take care of themselves.

              Kids are going to fall off monkey bars, get bucked off of horses, scrape their knees and break an occasional bone.  That’s a small price to pay for feeling free and developing self confidence and resiliency. 

              Oh, by the way, I signed a two page liability waiver so I could ride my horse up in the mountains without a helmet.  I preferred a cowboy hat and the freedom of adventure I felt on my steed.

              Last thought; another of my favorite quotes that fits well here….“One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning.” ~ James Lowell, writer