LN Parenting

by Dr. Tim Jordan

Here’s to the kids who are different, the kids with the mischievious streak. For when they have grown, as history’s shown, it’s their difference that makes them unique...Digby Wolfe

  It’s hard to be a kid today. So much pressure to look perfect, be popular, have straight A’s in school, and be on the right sports teams.

    And it’s even more of a challenge if you’re a ‘quirky’ kid, the creative, artsy type who spends a lot of time in his own world. They’re usually the ones who act and talk like a 50-year-old trapped in a 7-year-old’s body and who have a hard time letting go of the pain they feel when they see others suffer. These are kids who never quite seem to fit in. They have a tough time connecting with kids their own age yet can carry on deep conversations with adults for hours. They often are teased and excluded by peers because of their differences.

    Their parents may have a harder time connecting with them than with their more ‘normal’ siblings. Parents often try to push them into sports or other activities against their wishes. Teachers have a hard time reaching them, as well, and may label them as difficult, lazy or troubled. It’s easier to slap a label on them than take the time to really understand their language and how they see life.

    In my experience, far too many of these kids get mislabeled and even worse, medicated. I have seen them placed on several medications at a time because the first one created side effects that required more meds to handle them. 

    In his fascinating book, The Soul’s Code, author James Hillman gives plenty of examples of unique kids who ended up making huge marks on the world. Thomas Edison came home from grade school one day with a note pinned to his shirt suggesting he was too stupid to learn. Albert Einstein was described as lazy and forever adrift in his foolish daydreams. When you know the end result, it’s easy to look back and see how their early quirkiness fits with who they became. 

    Take the time to get to know these kids and see the world through their eyes and their hearts. Maybe their actions will make more sense to you. Value and support their passions even if these are different than your interests. Put as much money and time into cartooning or creative writing classes as you would into select soccer. John Lennon’s aunt told him to focus on his science and math because he would never be able to make a living with his guitar...right! Don’t be quick to label. Honor their uniqueness and don’t try to mold them into your vision of who they should be. They are perfect just the way they are.

    Read The Soul’s Code; there are dozens of fun stories of famous people from all walks of life who didn’t fit the norm as kids. Watch certain movies with them--October Sky, Simon Birch or Billy Elliot--so they can relate to kids like themselves. These kids need loving, supportive people in their corner so that they can embrace and accept themselves.

    And, as James Hillman so eloquently puts it, “Always try to see the oak tree when you only have the acorn in front of you.” 

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