LN Parenting

by Dr. Tim Jordan

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” --Rev. Theodore Hesburgh

I am indebted to my dad for many reasons: taking us to sporting events, coaching our baseball teams and teaching us to barbecue with care. But I think I’m most grateful for the example he set as a husband.

His whole life was about selfless acts of service, both at home and work. He quietly and humbly sacrificed his needs for those of his children and clients. And he never, ever complained. I learned the value of hard work and service from my dad.

So why do I bring this up today? It’s prompted by a question from a parent at a presentation I gave recently, a question I have heard many times in the past few years: How can I teach my kids to be more appreciative and grateful for what they have? And I wanted to practice what I’m about to preach.

Many parents worry that their kids have a sense of entitlement and that they are insatiable when it comes to material things and entertainment. They worry that their kids are never content with what they have or what they’ve experienced. Parents are more likely to hear, “What do I get?” or “What’s next?” than “Thank you.” So here are some suggestions for teaching your children about gratitude.

We always started our weekly family meetings by having every family member say one thing they loved or appreciated about each other. It sounded like, “What I love about you is...” or “What I’m grateful for is...” It was good practice on how to express appreciation to a loved one.

At the dinner table, try replacing your, “What was the best and worst parts of your day?” with “What you are most grateful for?” That’s also a good way to end every day when you are tucking in your kids.

And revive the thank-you note. My mom was the queen of thank you notes, which I’m afraid has become a lost art. Whenever she was a guest at a dinner party or family gathering, the host could always count on receiving a thank-you note in the mail in one or two days. Start having your children do this after birthdays and holiday gatherings. It’s fun to do and feels good too.

I read about a gratitude study in which participants wrote down weekly all the things they were grateful for over a 10-week period. Compared to the control group, those who had expressed gratitude had a greater sense of well being, better health, exercised more and were more emotionally supportive of others.

It makes sense. If you’re in a state of gratitude, you’re less likely to be angry or fearful at the same time. So instead of focusing on the bad economy, your body’s aging process, or what you don’t have, decide that you will spend some time daily or regularly expressing gratitude for what you do have.

Model this for your children, and let them hear you voice appreciation for the blessings and abundance in your life. That’s the best way to instill a sense of gratitude in them.